Home Invasion Turns to Sh*t
20 June 2016, Ocala, Florida
In opposition to all that is right and good and socially just in this world, a homeowner took the law into her own hands, deciding that she wasn’t going to retreat from drunken harassment anymore. So she shot Victor Alex Etherington, 27, in the stomach.
Back here in reality, what we have is a 54 year old woman, minding her own business when suddenly some turd comes rapping, gently tapping, tapping at her chamber window.
She initially dismissed the man as a drunken skidmark, merely this and nothing more.
However, ol’Vic was not to be denied permission to turtleneck. He blew through the window like Taco Bell through a drunk and chased the homeowner runnily through her house, until she locked herself in her bedroom, grabbed her gun, and called police.
While the homeowner was patiently awaiting aid, this dingleberry continued to prairiedog her bedroom door, eventually blowing that O-Ring, too. Luckily, she had retreated even further, into her closet.
According to police, her attacker stripped himself of his known brown-encrusted skivvies and attempted to enter her closet door while stark naked.
The homeowner had finally had enough and shot him. Once. In the gut. With a .22 pistol.
When the police finally arrived to the Serve-Pro Moment from Hell, Vic was on the floor behind the door, attempting to keep the rest of his personality from leaking out of his now-perforated bowels.
In the end, police wiped him out and flushed him to the hospital, where he’s expected to recover.
The homeowner now has to clean up her house…and that stinks.