Magikarp Hunt Devolves with 2 Shot, Wounded in Attempted Mass Shooting
25 July 2016, Las Vegas, Nevada
Pokémon Go. A worldwide gaming phenomenon and threat to the situational awareness-impaired.
In today’s installment of “Good Guys With Guns”, we head to Las Vegas, Nevada where it’s so freaking hot that only the most hardcore and hydrated of trainers venture out during the day to find their elusive pocket monsters.
Everyone else waits until nightfall to leave their air conditioned lairs. Then, just as near Interritus Home Base here in San Antonio, the streets are teeming with people of all ages playing the gaming sensation.
And, as always, where you have people, you have the victims of an uncaring and cruel society who don’t want to commit violent crimes, but have no other option but to prey on the weak and defenseless.
And then there’s Elvis Campos, 18, of Las Vegas. Elvis is a budding entrepreneur in the portable electronics resale market who wants to be the very best, like no one ever was. Elvis convinced an underage associate to drive him to Freedom Park on the Northeast side of town so that they could relieve the nerd herds of their cash, wallets, smartphones, and smartphone peripherals.
On their arrival at the park around 4 AM, they noticed a swarm of six trainers hunting a Magikarp (a highly valuable/highly useless Pokémon) which was reputed to have spawned in the area. Elvis jumped out and went in for the quick score, drawing his gun and menacing the six trainers.
Unfortunately for Elvis, one of the trainers was already better at that particular game than Elvis; not the smartphone game, but the reality of gun fighting.
Elvis and the armed trainer engaged in a short gunfight. While the trainer’s heart was true, he, like a TV at Graceland, took a bullet from Elvis. His courage will pull him through.
Elvis, in trying to dodge bullets like he was in The Matrix, took a round in his back.
Both attacker and victim are expected to make a full recovery, though Elvis will be transferred to jail on his recovery. The victim will be free to continue to train; both his Pokémon and his draw.
What is our lesson here? Our lesson is that if you’re going to roam around the criminal wasteland that is any Democrat-controlled city, you need to have some situational awareness.
Have fun, please. But keep one eye out for Team Rocket.
Or they’ll pistol whip you and steal all your candies.