14 Year-Old Wounded After Sandwich Artist Opens Fire
21 August 2016, Augusta, Georgia
A 14 year-old was sitting to one side of a Subway when Cornelius Lamar Harrison, 24, of Greensboro, North Carolina, and his friend, who suffers from multiple identity problems, walked into the store. All they wanted was directions to Atlanta and a chance to use the restroom.
Sadly, because the people hired to be Sandwich Artists® sometimes have trouble comprehending the concept of “Fatal food allergy” (SO STOP PUTTING CUCUMBERS ON MY SANDWICH!!!), much less the fact that two men generally will not use a single-person restroom together, thus necessitating one of them do the “pee-pee dance” and walk around anxiously. As this is such a difficult concept, the inbred, redneck, racist gun-fondler behind the counter got nervous. She went into the back, got her gun, and came out shooting.
Cornelius Lamar Harrison – Deceased, chest wound.
Unnamed 14 year-old – Injured, head wound
As usual, we’ve left out some details. Details which would be ignored if this shooting is going to have any chance at making the national conversation, while making sure that the shooter was portrayed in the worst possibly light.
What more could there be? We’re glad you asked. Here’s the real story:
36 year-old Sandwich Artist Kovedia Williams had to work and had no child care available for her 14 year-old. So, instead of turning him loose on the streets of Augusta, Georgia (small-town living with a big-city crime rate), she took him to Subway to hang out while she worked.
Around noon, Cornelius and his friend walked in asking if they could use the restroom, if Ms. Williams had directions to Atlanta, and if she had a car jack. They were carrying the tire iron, but not the rest of the jack.
One of the men paced the store, seemingly waiting for the other to finish using the restroom. But, something about his pacing set off warning bells in Ms. Williams and she went into the back of the store to get her gun.
On returning to the front of the store, one of the men was jumping the counter and the other was BEATING HER CHILD’S HEAD WITH A FREAKIN’ TIRE IRON!
Needless to say, Ms. Williams opened fire, sending two rounds towards the men and driving them from the store. Following them, she fired one additional shot, striking Cornelius.
Ms. Williams’ son received first aid from responding officers and is currently in the hospital, condition unknown at the time of this writing.
Ms, Williams will not face any charges,
Cornelius Lamar Harrison died in the woods behind the Subway; like a chump.
His friend was located a few days later after being taken to a local hospital for a mental health event.
Now, before we get into the tactical issues surrounding this incident, some of you may have noticed that our satire segment mentioned that Harrison’s accomplice suffered from an identity issue. When he was taken to the hospital, he was found to be in possession of meth and, on further investigation, it was discovered that he was the only living perpetrator from the Subway incident. His identity issue is that he was booked into the jail claiming to be Brandon James Simmons, 25, of Durham, NC.
At the jail, their tests showed that name was a lie. On running his prints, Brandon turned out to be Howard Maurice Harris, 23, and on the run from NC authorities for drug and probation charges.
Sadly, the State of NC will most likely never get to prosecute this Space Cowboy. He’ll be in jail for long, looooong time on his new charges of Possession of Methamphetamine, Aggravated Assault, and Felony Murder
That’s 2 to 30 years for the meth, 1 to 20 years for the Aggravated Assault, and 25 to Life or Life Without Parole for the Felony Murder.
And that’s not counting whatever he’d get if they charged him with the armed robbery, but we bet that, as they didn’t get as far as trying to take the till, it’s a pretty weak case. But, if we’re lucky, the judge will give him life without parole and we won’t have to hear from him again.
Now, let’s look at what’s going on with Ms. Williams.
Not a whole lot to tell in addition to what we’ve already discussed. But we do have a few things.
1. Some of these articles seem to imply that she pursued the attackers. Whether she did or not, that’s something you’ve got to be VERY careful about. Some states permit you to pursue a fleeing, violent felon and some do not. Generally, if your attacker is fleeing then the threat is considered to be over and you’re going to have a very tough time in court.
2. Please note the fact that she had to go into the back and get her gun. Tactically, this is not optimal.
Her attackers gave her a second to get nervous and go get a weapon. Others may not have been so methed-up and begun their assault immediately. Then, there she is under attack and her gun is six feet away from her.
While there are times that off-body carry is OK, sandwich artists have these nice aprons which would cover any concealed pistol imaginable, provided it’s in the right holster.
3. Please note, again, the off-body carry method she used. In addition to not being instantly available, she had her underaged son hanging out with her. And her gun was in another room, loaded and ready to go.
Now, we don’t have all the specifics, but this seems like a bad idea to us, unless they have some kind of locking storage available to the staff. But then, why would you lock the best possible means of self-defense way instead of carrying it.
We’re not saying that off-body is verboten, but it does carry some unique risks not found when you carry your gun on your person: slowed reaction time, increased exposure to snatching, and yet another thing you have to keep a constant watch on.
No matter what, though, Ms. Williams, You're a badass and we salute you.